Experiences: that feeling when you’re made aware you’ve reached the baggage weight limit, & turn around to see there’s still a duffle bag of PTSD & a satchel of the aftermath of trauma bonding with your abuser that you’re stuck with, & the only option to deal with this is by taking appropriate action towards self care, working the absolute shit out of my recovery programme & engaging better with my trauma counsellor – all of which I am equally terrified to surrender myself & my life over too.
I’ve spent the last 5 months telling myself that I know what I’m doing & can do it myself, only to come to realise that the residual toxins from the life I ripped myself out of have been poisoning my present relationships – before I could do anything to stop it.
I accept that I must be accountable for myself in more ways than I wanted to admit.
This post & a fuck tonne more verbal vomit has just smashed me, literally like a fucking tonne of bricks.
cause & effect alexis, cause & effect.