I do not wish to allow my highly sensitive nature to become an excuse for emotional irresponsibility.
If we see ourselves with one another, for each other, is it not worth it? Is the effort not worth the reward? And what of the growth both of our souls are experiencing throughout this process?
During meditation over this experience today, some rather heavy realizations came to me, certain ones I’ve been adamantly denying I acknowledged & allowed into my awareness as truths. By writing these feeble letters of the alphabet across the pre-ruled lines which guide the formation of words across this page before me, I am confessing in the only way I know how; my awareness, my admission, of the gravity of my actions/behaviour has only come into my minds eye – to the forefront of my conscious perception, at a point where we are both nursing our battered & bruised wounds – utterly bewildered by what’s even fucking possible for either of us to do.
I never meant to hurt you lover – I know we never meant to hurt one another. If I’m asking too much, well – shit. Ok then.
You see, nobody has ever had the strength to stay. And despite having let go of any & all expectations I know one thing that resonates & that is the space left by the all the love you offered me, which i so recklessly shoved away.
I wonder if you can now comprehend what it means to be beyond the ability to believe. I would not wish such a belief to be held by even my mortal enemy.